2021 - In Closing.

 Time to do the end-of-year venting . I will keep it brief. 

This year was AMAZING in the aspect of learning, intellectual growth, and polishing up of perspectives. There was immense growth IN me which led to I suppose communal progress with and among those around me, which is, as I said, AMAZING. 

It was established that quality in relationships are much better than quantity. I got rid of a lot of people who had ulterior motives in being connected to me and among those there were folks who had been treating me not like a friend but a "project"; those to whom I ran for prayer during my most vulnerable moments but they actually "liked" me being in that place without progress for that meant they would always have the upper hand. The moment I realized this it was so freeing. I STILL can taste that joy and oh it is so relieving! 

I got rid of many controlled environments this year. I'm grateful for that. 

It was also established that ultimately the world does not give two hoots about you unless you supply for demand; and I'm so not that. Being an artist trying to establish an authentic identity is as easy in this country as growing literal wings. However, this year I became completely secure in my identity as a creative , that I appreciated even the couple of people who would send encouraging messages on social. There are some wonderful people out there waiting for good and wholesome content, and I decided, that's where I'm going - screw numerics and 'purchased' glory!

Speaking of social media , there is no bigger LIE and ILLUSION than that. Behind our beautifully captured photographs lie so much pain, effort, and down days. Behind all those edits is hard work of many people put together in days and nights of trying to create something authentic. And depending ones' identity on social media is hilarious and laughable, I myself was a victim of it until last year 2020, and this year, I decided to say tata bye bye to all my mental struggles of trying to impress those who I assumed cared about what I do. 

It was established in 2021 that each one's for each one. I had realized that although we keep complaining about governments, economies, and social issues and what not, ultimately everything boils down to individual choice, to wallow in it, or forget about it and do the best we can. I decided to just do what I can. With what I have, who I have, and when I can. This year I realized that the latter could mean just me and my brother at times, and sometimes even me by myself. But who cares? As long as my spirit aligns with integrity, does it really matter? It's all up to me to make myself at ease despite circumstances. And as long as I believe in societal lies and misconceptions that have been fed to us for millennia, I cannot be completely free as such. So I decided, one layer after the other, to remove them; to unlearn them. 

2021 has been amazing. October 2021 was without exaggeration the WORST month I've been through and yet I'm still here. Going on, moving along. I'm so thankful for true friends. Just a couple of them remain now, but so thankful for them. I'm also thankful for family. No I cannot depend on them fully, but the fact that they are just there helps. I'm thankful that I'm still alive, fed, nourished, and watered. 

I don't have a lot of goals for 2022. The pandemic has taught us that all that is of no avail. My sole expectation from the coming year is that I will live every moment with gratitude , and be present, just be. My hope for you too, is that as time seems to go faster than Max Verstappen at times, cherish the simplest most mundane boring moments of your day. Just be. It helps. 

Have a blessed new year! 

-Anu 

© Anu Madhubhashinie #wordswithAnu