I'm a "Too" . Are you? ~ Celebrating International Women's Day 2016
I grew up insecure.
I always thought I was too fat, too short, too round, too loud, too excited, to outspoken, too aggressive, too talkative, too open, too closed, too cold, too selfish, too friendly, too proud, too intolerable, too impatient, too fast, too scared, too timid, too bold, too insensitive, too floosih, too stupid, too blind, too deaf, too incredibly impossible at being right, at feeling right, at doing right, at living right. I was too wrong.
Growing up, I was never told I was beautiful, smart, intelligent, or at least just plain good.
I spent over two decades of my life trying to fit my 'round' self into square plugholes, never realizing that I wasn't meant to fit in. I spent too much time worrying, too much time being afraid, too much time just going with the flow, unable to realize that the suffocation I was going through was merely because I did not belong to the flow.
I don't blame anything or anyone for this. My mother brought me up, along with my siblings single handedly , and she did and still does her best for us. My father was ignorant, unaware of the quality ways of life, trapped in a culture that never appreciated him, which made him the poor purposeless person he was. My teachers were also stuck in social norms, conventions, in a culture that is rigidly systematic and biased. Therefore, I don't blame anyone for the war of growing up and reaching adulthood demotivated.
It took me just one decision, one book, one day, one step, to really know who I am, what I ought to do, where I belong, what life is about and where I should go. The decision to learn beyond what was laid before me, the decision to seek spiritual fulfillment; the Bible, a youth service in (now my) Church, a step of faith to accept Jesus as Lord.
Even since that day, I have struggled. I still do. Because His purpose is revealed only gradually, through the molding of my character - by His Spirit, by His Grace. The difference is, the struggles have purpose. They have meaning. They have lessons to learn. They have life.
It has been five years since my journey of purpose began. Sometimes, I still get lost; unable to pick the delicate colors of choice from the whirlpool of hues ravaging in my brain- The colors of daily definitions, daily decisions, and action. Yet I can truly and wholeheartedly proclaim today, on International Women's Day of 2016, I know deep down in my spirit, that I'm never too old, never too young, never too fat, short, loud, scared, poor or hopeless, to sit at my Father's feet - Jesus' feet - and receive what He has for me; a world of possibility, purpose, victory, character, love, mercy and more than anything, security.
Each day is a testimony to His Grace. My humane fears, failures, mistakes, never stops Him from loving me. As long as I draw near to Him daily, humbly submit to His loving will for my life, heed to His instructions, follow His example,and have constant faith in Him- the faith as small as a mustard seed- I know that I'll never be alone. I know that no negativity can pull me away from the objective He will achieve by making me an Instrument of Worship.
I'm too blessed to find fault in my life. I'm too blessed to be stressed.
I'm too blessed.
..Too beautifully , incredibly, astoundingly blessed.
I always thought I was too fat, too short, too round, too loud, too excited, to outspoken, too aggressive, too talkative, too open, too closed, too cold, too selfish, too friendly, too proud, too intolerable, too impatient, too fast, too scared, too timid, too bold, too insensitive, too floosih, too stupid, too blind, too deaf, too incredibly impossible at being right, at feeling right, at doing right, at living right. I was too wrong.
Growing up, I was never told I was beautiful, smart, intelligent, or at least just plain good.
I spent over two decades of my life trying to fit my 'round' self into square plugholes, never realizing that I wasn't meant to fit in. I spent too much time worrying, too much time being afraid, too much time just going with the flow, unable to realize that the suffocation I was going through was merely because I did not belong to the flow.
I don't blame anything or anyone for this. My mother brought me up, along with my siblings single handedly , and she did and still does her best for us. My father was ignorant, unaware of the quality ways of life, trapped in a culture that never appreciated him, which made him the poor purposeless person he was. My teachers were also stuck in social norms, conventions, in a culture that is rigidly systematic and biased. Therefore, I don't blame anyone for the war of growing up and reaching adulthood demotivated.
It took me just one decision, one book, one day, one step, to really know who I am, what I ought to do, where I belong, what life is about and where I should go. The decision to learn beyond what was laid before me, the decision to seek spiritual fulfillment; the Bible, a youth service in (now my) Church, a step of faith to accept Jesus as Lord.
Even since that day, I have struggled. I still do. Because His purpose is revealed only gradually, through the molding of my character - by His Spirit, by His Grace. The difference is, the struggles have purpose. They have meaning. They have lessons to learn. They have life.
It has been five years since my journey of purpose began. Sometimes, I still get lost; unable to pick the delicate colors of choice from the whirlpool of hues ravaging in my brain- The colors of daily definitions, daily decisions, and action. Yet I can truly and wholeheartedly proclaim today, on International Women's Day of 2016, I know deep down in my spirit, that I'm never too old, never too young, never too fat, short, loud, scared, poor or hopeless, to sit at my Father's feet - Jesus' feet - and receive what He has for me; a world of possibility, purpose, victory, character, love, mercy and more than anything, security.
Each day is a testimony to His Grace. My humane fears, failures, mistakes, never stops Him from loving me. As long as I draw near to Him daily, humbly submit to His loving will for my life, heed to His instructions, follow His example,and have constant faith in Him- the faith as small as a mustard seed- I know that I'll never be alone. I know that no negativity can pull me away from the objective He will achieve by making me an Instrument of Worship.
I'm too blessed to find fault in my life. I'm too blessed to be stressed.
I'm too blessed.
..Too beautifully , incredibly, astoundingly blessed.
(C) Anu Madhubhashinie
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| #ThankYouJesus. |
Beautiful! Just beautiful!
ReplyDeleteGod's blessings to you and yours! :)
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